In conversation with a leader, an observation was made that she and others needed a disruptive employee to conform. The leader became angry and offended by the suggestion that she would want or need any of her individual team members to ‘conform.’ It made me wonder, when and why did the notion of ‘conformity’ become so inflammatory, while its synonyms – belonging, congruity, harmony, kinship, consensus, teamwork, unanimity, unity, like-mindedness – are considered desirable, even aspirational?
Being a non-conformist implies individual empowerment to choose and the courage to go against the norms. Non-conformist behavior is lauded and protected in individualistic western societies (especially in the USA). Energized non-conformity inspires many Americans to choose to not wear face masks in the midst of a highly contagious, deadly, viral pandemic. Ironically, non-mask wearers are conforming with the social norm of valuing personal liberty over the risk of infection and even death. Would those same folks insist on using their unprotected hands to flip sizzling burgers on the grill, or refuse to wear warm clothes outside when the temperature falls below zero degrees Fahrenheit, or insist on driving on the wrong side of the road against traffic? Why do non-mask wearer activists feel virtuous indignation? Why do some leaders procrastinate on principle until it affects them personally or politically?
Non-conformity within an organization can often lead to conflict and leaders seek training for themselves and their teams on how to manage conflict. In contrast, there is less curiosity about how to manage agreement effectively. Try Googling ‘agreement management’ then ‘conflict management.’ The inability to manage agreement well leads to the Abilene Paradox:
The Abilene Paradox can be stated succinctly as follows: Organizations frequently take actions in contradiction to the data they have for dealing with problems and, as a result, compound their problems rather than solve them. Do you feel validated when gaining other’s approval, even when you know that what you choose to say or do is uncomfortable for you? We are social beings and are inspired by other individuals and movements; that is natural. How often do you stop to consider whether the tradeoffs you have agreed to make are the ones you would make in the absence of pressure to choose? What are your choices telling you about the power of the social conventions or codes you promote? And, can you take time to pause order to consider other points of view or the consequences that could flow from your choice to conform or not to conform?
In essence, conformity and non-conformity are the same; it depends upon which group you join and promote. What would you do if no one were watching? If you were required to walk through an enclosed chamber known to be infested with mosquitos and you had the choice to wear personal protective equipment to shield you from those bites, would go in unprotected or wear the equipment? If your child or beloved returned from the hospital with a compromised immune system, would you enter the room if you had the flu and were coughing?
Lau Tzu said, At the center of your being you have the answer: you know who you are and you know what you want. Why squander the power you have to choose what is natural and appropriate for you? Conformity is not always bad; involuntary, unconscious, or fear-based conformity or non-conformity is often a betrayal of self. Self-awareness, empathy, and the fortitude to choose to honor your personal values is a liberty we are free to exercise and often give away to others.
Beth Masterman, President Masterman Executive Coaching, Inc.